Too funny not to post. Originally posted here.
Just a little warning- Tessie is, um, a bit... opinionated. And her language isn't exactly kid-appropriate. But her comments on this memo she received from her toddler's daycare center are hilarious and I couldn't resist sharing this...
Okay, so, when I went out for lunch I saw the actual daycare memo glaring at me from the passenger seat, and while I'm waiting to read more people guessing Swistle's real name, I may as well publish it for your entertainment:
Someone [?] once said, "Family isn't about who's [sic] blood you have. It's about who you care about [sicedy fucking SIC]" I believe that is true and I believe that when you enroll and attend an [Our Lady of the 3rd Grade Writing Level] Center that your family becomes a part of the [Our Lady of the 3rd Grade Writing Level] Family because we genuinely do care about each other. We all do our best to look out for each other and partner in this journey of life [seriously! hork!].
We have no greater responsibility in life than to care for and nurture the children that have been given to us as precious gifts. [Edited to remove TWO MORE PARAGRAPHS of this ass-kissy Precious Moments/Chicken Soup for the Overpriced Daycare Soul bullshit! Get to the goddamned point!]
Unlike most companies in our industry, we have never charged a meal fee of any kind [other than the THOUSAND DOLLARS PER MONTH] but we are forced now to reconsider that decision and charge a small fee as a result of our economy [DIE DUBYA!]. We had hoped to be able to continue to offer this as a free [except for the THOUSAND DOLLARS PER MONTH! The BALLS on these fuckers!] service to our customers [what happened to FAMILY?], but the rising costs of fuel have just made it impossible for us to continue to do so.
Beginning May 1st, we will charge a small fee for lunch and dinner. We will continue to comp [except for the THOUSAND DOLLARS PER MONTH] breakfast and all snacks at this time. The meal fee will be .75 [sic] for lunch and .75 [-edy SIC] for dinner. Please understand that our meals now cost us $3.25 a day per child [not my problem]. We are only asking parents to help us offset the rate increase; [sic] not cover the cost of the meal [except through the THOUSAND DOLLARS PER MONTH].
Thank you for understanding and for your continued support.
[COO of the effing company]